There’s a part of me still waiting
But for what
Waiting for everything and nothing to happen
Waiting for myself to feel sense of appreciation
It’s like sitting in a room waiting for the other shoe to drop
It’s like living your life from the side lines as your body walks on
No one every notices though
Spill a word of your troubles to a soul and they run
For my issues aren't meant to be heard by you
I am meant to deal with them alone
So I deal
I do what I need to do, so that at the end of the day I don’t pull the gun from under my bed
So I don’t put it on my temple
Whispering to the darkness, “I tried to make it work”
So tell me if I the next you ask, “Are you alright?”
You’re actually going to mean it
Honestly can someone just tell me when this
All this stupid high school bullshit is going to end?
When is this unbearable eerie calm settled deep inside me going to stop?
I sit here in this isolated house with the false sense of home settled around me
I don’t even know what home means anymore
Home just displays everything I can’t and won’t ever have
Sometimes I think
If I really wanted an out so bad
It could be as simple as
A quick slight of my wrist
For an eternity of bliss
Sometimes I think that I must learn how to say good-bye
But then I think,
Maybe I’ll be alright one day
What I faced today might just be a small bump
On my own twisted road to growth
I close my eyes some nights
Hoping that when I open them again I’ll wake up to a different place
Where the sun shines
An endless beam of happiness
And maybe just maybe feeling the suns overwhelming sweet light on my bare skin
I’ll start to believe in myself
Not just for my family and friends sake
But for my own kind of happiness
But then the blade goes clinks as it hits the cold ground
The warmth sides down my arms
I ride the high for a while
Just simply enjoying that fact that for once I control my own pain
This way I decide what is going to affect me
Because this
This right here
Is easier than talking
These scars that run up and down my body
Remind me that I’m human
Do you hear that?
I’m human
So I can be tired of it all
I don’t have to hear it anymore, if I don’t want to
I seriously can’t take this worlds bullshit any longer
And who says I have to
So stop trying to fix me
I’m not broken,
I’m dead.
